I was halfway through my post when I decided to delete everything I have written for the past hour and start writing again. You see the past four weeks has taught me a lot. There were a few fond memories and extraordinary moments which I will never forget. If there was one big thing that was special and worth highlighting, it would be the different outlook I choose to adopt. After being plagued with endless wave of emotions, I realized that all the insecurities, self- pitying and restlessness must be dealt with.There was this issue of being cared about, being appreciated, being respected. I needed to look at this soul through my Lover's eyes once more and continue to do so for the rest of my life. I needed to remove that distorted image I had and stop blaming Him for all the storms and choppy waters. So, I did that and I try to do so whenever possible now. Focus on the bright side and be positive. Now, now, for those all around. This is dedicated to both, those who lack appreciation:
You were probably the one I am most comfortable with and I enjoy being around you. Laughter is a never-failing ingredient in all our conversations. I just wish that you would appreciate a bit more and care a bit more. You were my priority but I know I had to distance myself because the question of self worth always pop up whenever I am around you. It did not help that my head was filled with the thought of pretty princess in my shoes that every moment, she would be treated very, very differently. Oh, no! Don't get me wrong. This ranting is not like before demanding you to be more sensitive to my needs. No, I have come to realization that it is not your fault entirely. I have come to accept the fact that I cannot force you to appreciate me. Someone brought up the issue of protection to me the other day and my heart went, "They protect me? No, thanks. They have taught me that I need to protect myself. So I have learnt to count on myself a long time ago. They do not need to be burdened with the responsibility of protecting me." I realized that if I love being around all of you and want to continue doing so, I need to stop all this thinking and feeling about appreciation and care. I need to truly know my worth and be grounded in the truth that I am special and that I am loved. I may not be your priority. You may doubt my capabilities as a dancer, as a proper girl. You may not chose to accompany me all the way back for certain reasons. But I know who I am. I'll put everything behind me and now, any gentle offers to assist me in any way unless for official purposes, I gently decline because you have made me Miss Independent. This is to all of you who once lack appreciation but I somehow know and hope that somewhere deep down, you still care and appreciates. May our relationship last forever :)
And those who appreciated right from the start:
You and I did not have much of a rapport but only at the start. No doubt, I feel closer to those on the other side. I still feel that and always will. You were the one who brighten up my day and restrain me from wallowing in the deep pool of sorrow and drench me with the positive juice. I may not have survived the waves of emotions without all of you. You were indeed His blessings to me. I will never forget how much you cheer me up with that simple gesture of treating me like a proper girl. You were not hesitant and need not to be told when you offered a hand or when you were trying to protect me from being burdened if the situation allows you to do so. The encouragement and the trust you gave me when I sorely needed one were simply unforgettable. I will never forget the moments when we worked together. Those moments were so fond I still smile every time I think of it. That was exactly what I needed. You helped me. You did not choose to sit and not lift a finger. Neither did you choose to do everything for fear that I am not able to do it. I may not need your help but I am more than happy you did. You may say, "I am simply doing it because that was what I am supposed to do". Maybe. You have carried out your responsibility very well then. You care and appreciate. You showed you did. This is for all those who appreciate and care was not afraid to do so. I am forever grateful to all of you. Thank you! May we never forget to show how much we care and appreciate one another :)
