Even in my dreams

When I need you

I just close my eyes and I'm with you
And all that I so want to give you
Its only a heart beat away

When I need love
I hold out my hand and I touch love
I never knew there was so much love
Keeping me warm night and day

The first time I heard this song was when I was watching a Chinese drama series with you, I was about six years old I think. I can vaguely remember now. But I know that day I laughed non- stop because you made fun of the actor in the drama. It was so funny.I miss your jokes and funny remarks. I miss everything about you. I just had a long nap and I dreamt. And even in my dream, I miss you.

Make Heaven Wait

I know I must be strong and life has to go on without both of you. There are moments when the slightest thing reminds me of both of you. Something as simple as 'Pringles' or a hair saloon. Those moments are when my tears will flow unceasingly. Those are the moments when I realised how much I missed the both of you. It hurts me so much when I know I can no longer feel you, see you or even hear you. It hurts me so much to know that I will never be able to repay you and let you taste my first official wage. It hurts me so much when I reminisce all the times we had together; when I know that I will never experience those times again. Not a single day passes me by without you both on my mind. I have so many dreams and plan to share with you both. I know this feeling of loss will never go away. I will live my life as I should; optimistically and full of hope, trusting in the Lord. But this loss will always stay to remind me of two most special people I had in my life. I love you both. And I pray that I will make you both proud. It is so hard without you both. But I will make it through. I know I will.

Wishes

When you lose someone, you feel the sense of loss. And its normal. You know that life has to go on and the person would want to see you deal with life wisely; becoming a somebody to the world. Letting go is easy- accepting the fact that the person is no longer around. And you go on in life as usual. Then, you realise everything in life reminds you of him. The happy times you had together especially, deepens that pit of loss. Then, you realise how much you misses him. The little things he did that you never knew would make such a great impact in your life. A simple thing like picking you up at the airport. When he was still up and around, you barely give a thought to how much joy it gives him to see your face. You wish you had involved him more in your routine. You wish he could still be part of your routine. You wish you didn't keep that distance because you were afraid that if you were too attached, it would be hard to let him go. You wish that he could see you with a scroll in your hand. You wish that he would walk you down the aisle on your wedding day. You wish for everything you had never given a thought at all before.